The Art of Manliness: What Women Appreciate about your Masculinity

Today’s topic is mainly for the gentlemen and our appreciation for the male species. I grew up in a single parent household with my father and watching his razor sharp grooming process really set the bar for my view of what a well put together man looked like. From the moment he’d poke his head in my room to ask if I could iron a pair of pants for him to when his cologne would float down the stairs as me made his exit. Flaws and all, he was and is utter perfection.

So naturally, my husband would be just as polished. My muse for this blog post is indeed my husband George. #boyfriend #babydaddy #boothang. I’m sure he may be a little embarrassed that I put him out there like this and have plundered in his things to create these photos, BUT I also think he secretly likes it. Like most men do. I love his style, he’s extremely versatile and I’ve witnessed his smart dapper looks and his chill weekend vibes. What I appreciate the most about his aura is that he is usually very well coordinated without the “LOOK AT ME” over the top attitude.

While thinking of all the things I love about him, I wondered if other women had the same quirky thoughts that I do. Soooo I asked them! Guys here’s what the women I asked had to say about their appreciation for you.

GROOMING:

• Clean fingernails

• Cologne - You must smell nice

• Self-Care - Be sure to get your health check-ups

• A fresh haircut has an allure all on its own

• Fresh Breath is as must

CHARACTER:

• A gentleman that is kind enough to make us feel loved but knows when to put us in check

• Respectful to all women

• A man with manners is certainly a blessing

FASHION:

This is the fun part! Ladies had a lot to say about this topic. Here are some of the fun quotes!

“…..a long sleeve button up and he rolls the sleeves up to about mid-forearm…”

“Pants that are fitted. Not too tight and not too loose. With a nice belt.” “Color also looks good on men!”

“I love a man in a nice tailored suit, traditional colors…”

“I like a nice super white tee.”

“I love a man who’s switch up game is strong….” “Gotta smell good. Clean cut. That grey in the beard is good, I hate that “black-out” beard ish..”

“Definitely cologne! Nothing overpowering.”

“A nice set of teeth with fresh breath to go with it!”

“Polo blue cologne, John Varvatos cologne. I also think men are too scared to accessorize!”

“It’s not about just smelling good and looking good on the outside…how often do you bathe? Let me see your gums!”

“I love nice shoes on a man!”

So there you have it! We love our guys and hopefully this will encourage you gentlemen to keep doing what you’re doing! Thanks for all the worthy input Donnica, Nygeria, Kayla, Amanda, Lynn, Dianne, Sherron, Alissa, Mayah, Nedra, Catrena and Nina!

Until next time!

-K

Marriage Chronicles: Being the Mrs.

My husband and I have been married now for 15 years so I feel I’m marginally qualified to speak on this subject.  It’s funny because I can clearly remember how a long time ago, one of my biggest life goals was to get married.  And as in life goals I mean the lofty type you don’t necessarily expect to reach like getting an inheritance out of nowhere. Can you believe that?? For a while I even thought that I wasn’t a good enough package for someone to pick me.  It’s amazing what your low self esteem filled underage brain can come up with when you’re young and misinformed. Now that I’m older and much more seasoned, I feel its my duty to share how I navigate the unpredictable waters of matrimony.

Please note that these are only my thoughts and what works for me may not be what works for others so take any piece of this that helps you and leave the rest.

 ·         The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit

Your faith is most important because this is what gets you through the tough times.  It reminds you of the unconditional love that should be the foundation of your relationship.  Without it you can expect your relationship to crumble at the slightest breeze of adversity.

 ·         Be a Complete Person All by Yourself. Your Spouse Won’t Fill Every Void.

This is the one thing I wish I knew more about before I got married.  As I said before, one of my goals was to get married. I thought that would complete me.  Well he hates when I say this, but my husband gave me the BEST advice a young 20-year-old girlfriend could hear.  “Don’t center your life around me!” he said.  Now at 20 years old this broke my heart into a million pieces.  A million pieces I said! Once I picked my dramatic self up off the floor and dried my eyes, I took this advice home with me to chew on it a bit. He was right! Your mate is attracted to you for all the things that YOU are so never stop being YOU.  Continue to grow and explore yourself (within respectful boundaries of your marriage that is) and if he or she is right for you, you’ll move through the changes just fine. Keep in mind though that even as you change, you can’t expect that your partner will change or grow at your same pace.  Just continue to support each other along the way.

 ·         Make Love Often

It’s as simple as that. If you’re making love, you’re not making war.  If you think that holding out to prove a point helps your marriage? It doesn’t. This is your BOND. The more time and space you put between this bond, the easier it is for outside distractions to fill up this space which further separates you.  Another piece of advice is to make love to your partner the way THEY like it and vice versa.  Basic alllllll the time is not cool. Hey, I know!! I’m still working on this part myself.

 ·         The Ups and Downs will Always Be There – Just Wait It Out!

This is probably not the best example, but I compare this part of marriage to a video game.  Just think back to when you were playing Super Mario Brothers, you make it through one stage, and you move to the next!  The goal is to keep winning!

Level 1 – You deal with trust and communicating as a newly married couple. You are creating a home together and get your first taste of the Money talks.

Level 2 – You begin to learn how to Fight Fair.  You struggle with the fear that every fight will lead to divorce. You are consumed with dealing with kids and in-laws.

Level 3 – You struggle with the 7-year itch, boredom, thoughts of infidelity, friends of the opposite sex, changing bodies and body confidence issues.

Level 4 – The reconnect! You grow as a couple and become stronger together, more active sex life (with each other that is), you communicate better, arguments look more like discussions and you have proved that you can thrive together.

Level 5 – Aging parents becomes a topic.  How do we level up as a couple?  How do we keep our connection and maintain the attraction?

Prayerfully the levels go on and on and sometimes you fall back down a few levels to start again.  The point is to stick with it. If you love each other, you will find a way to make it through.

 ·         Do You Want to be Right? Or Do You Want to be Happy?

I love a good debate! Marriage takes a different kind of communication though and sometimes you just have to take one for the team so choose your battles wisely.  Around year six or so I finally realized that although I was able to prove how right I was, I still felt like I wasn’t helping him HEAR me.  My focus had to shift to figure out how to make him understand and truly HEAR me as opposed to being right.  A lot of the issues were my inability to listen because “I’m Right!” Well once my focus changed my communication style did too.  I try to refrain from yelling and lean more towards discussion, so we are both open to hearing both sides and work together for a compromise.  Please know that I’m a work in progress and sometimes I still yell a few obscenities at the top of my lungs to remind him that I’m Crazy AF and don’t play with me.  Baby steps none the less.

·         The In-Laws

This is such a tricky subject for most marriages.  I had a real quick and dirty introduction to this topic and have heard the horror stories.  I must admit that initially I felt some tug of war here on both sides, his and mine.  This is TOUGH!  But aside from whose macaroni tastes better and who is allowed to just popup to the house and how often, I had to realize that it is NOT A COMPETITION.  Our families love us and that doesn’t just magically go away because you get married.  George and I had to make our relationship the priority and gently break it to our family. I’m never going to be his mother, nor do I want to be.  I’m quite happy with my role as Wife and no one can take either one of our places. SOOO, my Mother in Love and I both enjoy our common goal and that is loving him in our own separate ways.

·         Find a Human Support Person or Persons

I talk to God often but girrrrrlllll!  If nothing else, find you a good sister/friend that supports your goal to be a Happily Married Woman.  I don’t care if they are family, friend, pastor, Auntie, single, married, or divorced!  As long as they are objective enough to call you out when you are wrong, they can be trusted, and they don’t hold grudges once you and your spouse aren’t fighting anymore.  Honey!!! My BFF, my Sister, Niece, Aunties and close friends certainly get an earful from me but at the end of it all they truly support my goal to be happily married to George.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to my rambling and I hope there was something here you could take with you. 

Until next time.

 -K

Self-Care Sundays: A Relaxing Bathtime Recipe for Soothing Bath Salts

Hey everybody,

I don’t know about you but I’m certainly in need of a retreat already and its only March. Although I would like to just jet off to some exotic island and relax, I’m needed here at home and I do have an 8-5 that I kinda need to show up to on Monday. So to bring this fantasy closer to some sort of reality, I make my Sunday bath time a huge production in relaxation.

I choose Sundays because it’s my day to reset and get ready for the week ahead. Your workweek might look a little different from mine so choose a day or time that works for you.

So once I’ve finished any chores and cooking for the day, I make sure my bath “experience” is in the evening around 7pm. I gather everything I need like my cell phone, blue tooth speaker, candles, sparkling beverage, and any other bath time accessories. While the bath water is running, I light candles around the tub to create the mood lighting. I find a relaxing playlist of Jazz or Spa Sounds on youtube and lock the door. I’ve picked up several fun face masks and have turned into a major Bath Salt and Bath Bomb girl. I’ve even gotten my husband a few of them. What better way to soak away your troubles and get ready for whatever the week has to bring.

On my journey to finding the perfect bath experience I stumbled across this Bath Salts recipe you can try at home.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 Cup Epsom Salt

• 1/4 Cup Baking Soda

• 1 Tbsp of Jojoba Oil

• 20 Drops of White Tea Ginger Essential Oil

• 20 Drops of Rosemary Essential Oil

• 2 Tbsp of Dried Lavender

• 2 Tbsp of Dried Rosebuds

Here’s how to do it!

In a large bowl:

1. Combine your Epsom Salt and Baking Soda and mix well.

2. Add the jojoba oil and stir until blended

3. Add a few drops of the colorant of your choice. I chose a grape violet to give it the soft blue tint

4. Add the essential oils and continue to blend

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Finally add your dried lavender and rosebuds!

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Now find a cute container to put your creation in and you’re done!! This combination smells so good and I hope you enjoy it as much as I will.

Until next time,

-K

So You Want to be an Event Planner?

Greetings everyone,

This post follows a few questions I’ve gotten on how to get started at being an Event Planner.  I had to sit back and think; now that I’ve been doing this for a little while what can I share with people?  Well, I could talk all day about this subject, but I’ve managed to capture a handful of tips that I’ve learned to get you on your way.

 The Personality of an Event Planner

Of course, anyone can be an Event Planner, but it will certainly help tremendously if you had the following traits going for you:

·         Organized

·         Patient

·         Friendly and outgoing

·         Calm under pressure

·         Good listener

·         Able to give feedback and tackle difficult topics

·         Budget conscious

·         Have a thirst for continuous education

It takes a special type person to handle positively the whirlwind of changed minds, logistics, and mishaps that come along with planning a successful event.

Education

I know it may feel like this is easy once you’ve planned your friend’s Birthday Bash, but this is something that should be taken serious enough to get a formal education.  Especially if you plan to really make money from it.  I can’t stress enough how this will help set you apart from the rest.  There are tons of naturally talented people out there that can put together a great event but when it comes to your credibility and your esteem, opt for education.  I was blessed with a scholarship from my job to complete my studies with QC Event School and I loved every minute.  This was a three-year online course with several modules, case studies and tutors that evaluated my work.  Even after I became certified, I still continue to hunt for affordable sessions that will help better my skillset for this constantly evolving field.  My advice is to surf the net and look for certification programs that fit your lifestyle and take the plunge, you may learn a few things.

 Name and Mission

Now that you’re certified as an official Event Planner and you’ve been practicing on family and friends’ events, what will you call your business?  Take your time with this one and brainstorm about what type of events you like, why you do what you do, your target client, and how you want the world to see you. Whatever that maybe you want it to most of all looked polished and put together.  My favorite saying is you wouldn’t want your food served to you by someone with filthy hands. Presentation is key, especially if you’re not well known.   I will use myself as an example, I have always wanted Gracious Hostess to be a part of my “logo” but decided to call my business Kimberly S. McDowell Event Planning & Design. This was great for a little while, but it felt like a box.  As if I was only allowed to do those two things.  So, after soul searching over time, I’ve rebranded myself as Kimberly S. McDowell The Gracious Hostess. This fits so much better because it encompasses all my quirky talents and interests.

Be true to yourself when you are working through deciding your name and your mission.

 Marketing Yourself

I am definitely not a marketing expert, but I recognize that I am a visual being.  I fall in love with my eyes first when it comes to events, products, etc. My guess is other people do too especially if they are looking for an event designer.  Take your time and create a professional backdrop to display your craft.  Facebook and Instagram are excellent and free to start a page of strategically placed beautiful pictures and posts of what you do.  This is an awesome way to showcase your work and reach a wider audience.  If you want to take it a step further, I created a website.  Yes, I’m that weird person that looks for official websites to visit even after I’ve seen someone’s Facebook and Instagram pages.  It makes me feel a little more official.  Use these platforms to your advantage and advertise your best work.  You sometimes have to fight the urge to post every event you do because sometimes given budget constraints, it may not be our best work.  I would encourage you to post some of the wonderful accents of the event but not every single picture.  Styled shoots are amazing for marketing yourself because they allow you to express yourself without restrictions so you can make the scenery as perfect as you would like it.  Remember to think of how you want people to feel when they look at your work and create your persona based on that.

 Look for the Free Stuff

Finally!  My last piece of advice is to take advantage of the free stuff out there!  I have gained so much inspiration from Facebook groups, Instagram personalities, Pinterest, YouTube, and podcasts.  I’ve learned how to do so many things to increase my skillset just by viewing these platforms.  There is so much useful information out there for free, especially for creatives!  Reach out to your family and friends and use them to plan events and practice some of what you learned.  They love you and I’m sure they would be happy to support you.  Take advantage of this stuff!  I urge you.

 I hope this was able to help someone on their journey to become an Event Planner or whatever your heart desires.

 Until next time,

 -K