You ever meet those people that you just love to be around. You can’t really explain it in one word but all you know is that you want to hang out with them even if its to do nothing? They’re like Church, you always feel good when you leave them. Some people say you vibe, some say your spirit agrees with them, but I like to call it an Aura. Oooh such a complex and fancy word. Simply put, an aura by definition is the distinctive atmosphere or quality that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place.

How do people feel around you? Do they feel drained? Uplifted? Defeated? Motivated? Refreshed? That’s what we’re talking about today. Now that my children are getting older and I have a little more free time, I started along this journey over the last few years to simply to make edits in my life that improve my overall well-being. After thinking long and hard about this, I came up with three areas that definitely influence my aura. They are - How I Feel, How I Look, and How I Treat Others.

How I Feel

This is a heavy one. You can do amazing things when you feel good but feeling good sometimes starts with the hard look at you on the inside. Tackling all that unnecessary baggage you’ve been carrying around. Dealing with that constant feeling of judgement lingering from something you did in your past. Holding on to the pain someone caused like its a designer purse. Avoiding issues that are actually the ROOT of your overall ill feelings about yourself or others. STOP NOW and do the work to fix you on the inside first. FORGIVE THEM and FORGIVE YOURSELF! As you mend your own ailments you’ll see what a positive affect this has on every other aspect of your life. Decide now to be happy and do your best everyday to reach this goal and be the opposite of what hurt you. It could be deepening your faith, maybe therapy, maybe both! Maybe its setting boundaries for those that seem to do nothing but take from you. Maybe its getting your health under control. Whatever it takes, do it! I promise you won’t regret it. If you do the work you’ll feel like you can conquer the world. If you don’t then you’ll find that the world is constantly conquering you.

How I Look

Is it just me or can you agree that sometimes the day to day takes all the vibrancy out of you? I know I’ve certainly experienced that. Just recently Facebook was nice enough to share a memory with me of a selfie I posted five years ago. OMGGGGHH!!! I showed George and we were both like WOOOOWWWWW! What a change! So naturally I used this moment to launch into what I thought was the perfect analogy. I proceeded to tell my husband “that old picture of me reminded me of when you first got your crispy new box of 24 crayola crayons. You thought you were doing something because you had your cool crayons and you were really good at coloring in the lines. Fast forward to my pics now, its like I’ve graduated to my slick box of 64 crayons with the sharpener on the back of the box and not only am I coloring in the lines, I’m outlining my picture with the color and I’m coloring in the same directional pattern.” Of course he looked at me, told me I was crazy, but acknowledged that I made perfect sense.

At 43, I had to step up my game a bit, my taste has changed from the days of old. I have always had a more classic style but my definition of sexy is a lot different from body parts spilling out of too tight or too little clothes. I had to look at the message I wanted to send through my appearance. I wanted to show that I am a grown woman, I am polished, I’m a professional, I care about how I look, I wanted age appropriate sexiness, and I want my husband and children to be proud of how I present myself. Once I came to this conclusion, I realized that the clothes from those trendy fast fashion stores didn’t work for me . Those plastic cheap shoes won’t hold up for the long haul. I needed to invest in good classic pieces and shoes. That DOES NOT mean I don’t love a good sale. For sexiness, instead of the overflow of cleavage and mini dress, I opt for a form fitting, completely covered, bodycon dress. This also means you make an effort to include the right foundation pieces for your outfit. Taking the time to sharpen your look will help you translate your worth. This does not mean go out and buy all new clothes. It simply means put a little time into wearing items that accentuate your physique, iron or steam them to look polished, and do your basic grooming for hair and make-up. Care, that’s all. It has nothing to do with size, shape, or money. I am actually at my heaviest weight but since I’ve implemented these changes I’ve gotten more compliments than ever before.

How I Treat Others

Now that I’ve gotten the inside and outside all spit-shined, its time to share the love with others. I promise if you asked, you’ll find that EVERYONE is either going through something or have been through something so please be kind. Listen. Be supportive. Be honest but not brutal and only if they ask for it. Just know that “its not your job to fix everyone’s life little Miss Iyanla” as my very wise husband would say to me. Check your body language too. Nobody wants to be bothered with you if all you do is scowl, close people off, and constantly preach that the sky is falling. Trust me, we already know it. We are all just trying to make the best of what is. If you’re upset about something, deal with the real issue and don’t take your anger out on innocent people. Overall, you get what you give and if you’re giving all these good things chances are, people will shower you with the same in return.

Thanks for listening to my sermon and I hope there are some nuggets of positive wisdom that you can take with you.

Until next time,

-K