I’ve spent a great deal of time on my posts talking about fashion, event planning, and diy’s but truthfully, the majority of my time is spent being wife and mommy. So this post is focused on one of my most important positions and that’s being George’s wife. I was chatting with friends recently and a couple of them expressed their anxiety about getting married. I’ve heard this so many times and have tried to capture the three most frequently asked questions I get about marriage, from those who’ve never been married.

Remember, this is only from my point of view and its extremely important to understand that I cannot speak for every married person, but I can sure tell you a thing or two about me!

1. Is it Worth it?

It totally depends on your mindset and core values. I think the best analogy I can come up with is your HOME- Rent vs. Buy. If you believe ultimately that you want a forever home so you can put down roots and have a true place that is yours, you may want to buy (marry). If you love the security of a commitment, or you want to invest fully into something long-term, then marriage is totally worth it. If your ultimate goal is flexibility, you don’t want to be tied down, or you cringe at the thought of ever being responsible and tied to one person for the rest of your life, then you may choose not to marry.

Your preference may also depend a great deal on your religious views, traditions, and as I said earlier, your core values. Think about it. Just like when you are contemplating the purchase a home….

Core Values tell you- Renting is a waste of money, I want to buy.

Dating: Even though I’m working on my credit and saving money, I ultimately want to buy a home.

Find your person: Wow, I’m investing quite a bit into this rental. I’m afraid to put too many updates into it because I don’t own this home.

Get Married: So happy we closed on our home. I can’t wait to decorate! Maybe in a few years we’ll add another bedroom.

Married for a while: Oh my, the roof needs to be replaced. Let me tackle that. We need a new AC unit, let’s save for a replacement. We need to renovate!

Marriage not working out: It seems that I’ve outgrown this starter home, time to find a new one that suits my needs a lot better.

You get the point! Just remember what you put in is what you get out and if you don’t pay your rent or mortgage, you will eventually be evicted.

2. What is the Transition like from Single to Married?

The best way to gauge this is to ask yourself, am I really my true self with this person? Or how “perfect” am I pretending to be with this person? My suggestion is to have a good “come to Jesus” talk with your mate and lay all your toxic traits on the table so you both can decide whether you want to be bothered or not. George and I do a lot more communicating now in our 16th year of marriage than we did early on. Be as clear as possible with your intentions, try your best to not get offended so easily, and talk about issues when you are not angry so you don’t say hurtful things that you can’t take back. Plus, if you have never lived together, that adds a whole new layer of issues that take getting used to.

Just for kicks, I’ve listed some of the areas George and I sometimes butt heads on. We are pretty cordial in how we handle them all but once upon a time we weren’t so nice.

1. Thermostat (hot vs. cold)

2. Messy Mates vs. Neat Freaks

3. The Holidays! How do we spend time with all of our family?

4. Togetherness vs. Give me my space

5. Family Members: When is it too much?

6. Parenting Styles

3. How to Create Space for the Relationship to Grow?

Simply put? Share often! Talk about dreams, fears, toxic traits, goals, everything! The more you share the more comfortable your relationship will become to change and growth. The more you share, the more prepared your mate will be with new things you bring to the relationship. You both won’t grow at the same pace so be prepared to love them just the way they are. If you’re the one who doesn’t want to change or grow, don’t hinder your mate’s progress. We often associate the changes with the idea of them outgrowing us. This isn’t always true. When you communicate, you ease this fear somewhat because they’ve heard it before and it’s not just coming in out of left field. It all goes back to being as open as you possibly can and honest about your needs.

I keep a hobby of some sort, I know my poor husband is like “What you doing now!!?” “Go sit down somewhere!” I just figure, the more I keep busy, the less I’m harassing him. He’s such a trooper too. He will always ask, ok where is this coming from? And that allows me his ear to tell him all about it. George you’re the real MVP.

I hope this will help someone and please share with me some of your marital qwerks and how you fix them!

Until next time,

-K