Today’s topic was spurred by an old Facebook memory photo that popped up from back in 2010. My sister and I cringed and giggled at how much I had changed over the years. To my defense, my priorities were a lot different back then as a wife and mother of two boys under the age of eight.

Now wait a minute, I am not saying that you can’t care for yourself if you have children, I’m simply saying that in this specific scenario, I didn’t. In my head, self-care was something you felt guilty about especially if someone else had to keep your children while you do it. It seems we go through this dark phase where you look like some ashy cast of gray is clouding your skin, your clothes aren’t bad but they aren’t great. You lose whatever spunk and style you had and worst of all, people make you feel guilty for having time away from doing motherly duties. Let me be clear, I love being a Momma to my boys. Especially when they were little, I would jump at their beck and call and I still do. Momma was tired though. I used to say all the time, you know how you see those stray female dogs roaming the street with their breast looking like they were sucked dry by a litter of puppies? That’s seriously how I felt. But as a wife and mother, you carry on.

Well, as the children get to be more independent and your budget isn’t being drained by childcare and formula, you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. You’re able to shift your focus a bit before college rolls around and you’re broke again. For me, it was like a switch turned on. I was over feeling blahhhh, I used to be pretty cool back in the day. What happened? I didn’t waste time trying to figure that out but I did focus on how I really wanted to feel and look. Simply put, I wanted to be a mom my children were proud of and I wanted to look like a trophy wife.

So if this story resonates with you for any reason, I’m sharing my confidence building tips that help me get my glow back.

Know How to do Basic Maintenance

If this quarantine has taught us nothing else, it has definitely proven how important it is to know how to maintain your look on your own. My husband came home one day and said you know, I’m glad you know how to do your own hair and pedicure, people are really starting to look rough. I chuckled and told him I was flattered but he really does have a point. In tough times this is key. Learn how to do your basic care like pedicures, hair, make-up, waxing, eyebrows. Even if you are not a professional, when you’re in a pinch you’re still able to maintain your sparkle. We may not want to admit it but when you look good, you feel good. Where to start you say??? YouTube Girllll!! I’m telling you, it has totally changed my life. I knew nothing about make-up except what my sister would do to me, but nothing on my own. Now I can put my face on in fifteen minutes and look pulled together. If you have a girlfriend that knows these things, grab her and ask her to teach you. I promise you will be glad you did.

Shape Wear and Under Garments

Invest in good bras, underwear, and shape wear. I cannot stress enough how easy it is to cheapen your look by having ill-fitting unmentionables. Prep your canvas by investing in bras that help the girls sit where they belong, under wear that enhance your figure, and shape wear that smooths any bumps. This will instantly set you a part. Trust me, a compliment hits different when it’s given with respect. It separates the ladies from the girls.

Dress for the Body You Have

You’re not alone. I too have those clothes hidden in the back of my closet that I plan to one day get back in. I keep them for motivation. But! I am a firm believer in dressing for the shape and size I am now. You truly don’t have to wait until you lose weight to be pretty. You’re always pretty! Why not let your wardrobe reflect that. Start by taking inventory of your closet, try things on and purge anything that doesn’t make you look good. Everyone’s style is different so you know what truly makes you feel pretty. Don’t be afraid to gift those items that don’t serve you. You may also want to consider your size, age, and the image you want to portray. If your clothes don’t represent that, its time to do some shopping. Take the time to find whatever formula works for you and accentuates your favorite parts. This is an instant confidence builder.

Take whatever your Outfit Plans are for the day and Turn It Up a Notch

What does this mean Kim?? Simply put, this means put a dash of effort into it every time you get dressed. If you plan on wearing pj’s all day, just be sure they match and your hair is managed. I love to throw on a head wrap or scarf when I don’t feel like doing my hair. This makes you look pulled together even in pajamas. Lounging for the day? Don’t just throw on that ratty old house dress that has holes in it. Grab a nice one that is still comfortable and you can also pair with some nice slides if you have to run out of the house unexpectedly. If you don’t feel like overdoing it with some over the top outfit? Keep the simple one you love and just do some nice makeup with a bold lip. The point is to find a way to put the tiny extra bit of effort into what you look like regardless of what mode you’re in. I have tons of work clothes but I was caught slipping when we were quarantined, I had nothing but old t-shirts and mismatched bottoms to work and chill around the house. Yeah, there is nothing wrong with that but I looked so sloppy. I had to get it together and just put a little care into my chill fits as well.

Try New Things to get Inspiration

I’m extremely visual and love looking at pictures for inspiration. Magazines, websites, Pinterest, you name it. I’m always surfing and soaking up all the visual goodness this world has to offer. Whatever inspires you, do it, touch it, smell it! Explore new things. My style is pretty classic and I don’t waver too far from that, but I love to try out something new. Even if I do or wear it only once. This is how you keep things fresh. For example, my thighs are my least favorite part but I was determined to finally wear shorts this summer. I did it! I did it several times and nobody died or was cursed because I did. I enjoyed every bit of it too. So cut yourself a break and take that small risk. It may open up a whole new part of you that you never knew existed.

This was so much fun! I love uplifting people and showing that we may all have something in common. Be careful though, when you make this shift to put effort into your appearance you may get some minor backlash like I did. I was told that I’m vain, shallow, and have my priorities in the wrong place. These people clearly don’t know me. Caring about your appearance does not mean you don’t care about anything else. Caring about your appearance does not mean you don’t spend time with God. Caring about your appearance does not mean nothing else matters. So my response to those lovely people was “Clearly, YOU caring about MY appearance makes YOU vain, shallow, and YOUR priorities are definitely in the wrong place.”

Until next time,

-K