This is my very first blog post from my parenting perspective. Not because I’m extremely private but because people tend to like lighthearted posts on fashion and fun topics. None of that today, this post is on a more real subject especially with what’s happening in the world today. My husband and I take our roles as parents very seriously just like I’m sure everyone else does too. You know when they say “oh you’re a Momma Momma” yes, I’m a Momma Momma. So “The Talk” in question is not the normal talk about the birds and the bees, no, it’s the talk about how to make it home safe everyday as a black boy/man. Now my husband and I note the urgency of all the protests, education, discussions, and just simply speaking out but our experience has been different from our parents and their parents. Me personally, I have experienced your common acts of prejudice and discrimination but nothing even close to what a lot of the families you see on TV have experienced. I know so many good people of all colors and love and celebrate all of our cultural differences. I also know that as a PROTECTOR, you don’t wait until you’re in danger to protect. You protect and guard everyday. This is how I relate the importance of this talk to our children. We have your normal teenage boys with all the attitude, awkwardness, impatience, and trendiness that comes with it. I swear I shake my head everyday at them. So naturally, they were looking at us with the “what now?” look on their faces as we sat them down.

For the sake of this post I’m going to break down the discussion into a few categories to sum it up because you know I could chat all day if you let me. George and I may communicate things differently so I am reflecting on my perspective of the conversation. First let me say that when you are talking to your children, nothing is ever neat and manicured and presented like you’re standing in front of esteemed executives. Its messy, all over the place, and completely out of order sometimes BUT totally necessary.

Be an Example

George and I shared our experiences with them and how our households were as children and asked them how they saw us as parents when it comes to race and prejudice. Thank God they both thought we were really open-minded and honest about experiences but didn’t feel we hated anyone. Whew, thank goodness. They mentioned we cuss a little but that’s besides the point. The point is what are we putting into these little humans and it appears to be goodness. I then asked them “If someone judged our entire race solely on your presence, what would they think?” This is the real question because this is exactly what happens. People tend judge a whole race of people based on some negative encounter they or their parents had and not by each individual. I stressed to them that the way they represent our race is extremely important, its not about trends and fads and what’s cool at the moment but what does your appearance say about you? What does your speech say about you, what does your body language say about you? This does seem pretty basic but think about it, if your food looked bad but actually was quite tasty, you still wouldn’t eat it because of how it looked. I urged them to be accountable for their actions, the people they choose to be around, what they post on social media, and choices they make because if they don’t, the world will. I explained that their tongue can speak life and death and provided some examples of where what is said and not said could have saved a life.

Be Aware

This is where we launched in on what racism and prejudice may look like and when you may be doing it to someone else. The obvious and not so obvious ways it creeps into day to day life. We talked about how to respond when you are stopped by the police and the reasons why. This area also includes self awareness and self-reflection. Are you yourself adding fuel to an unnecessary fire? Be aware so you can identify and avoid a potentially life or death situation.

Be Educated

I cannot express how uneducated I was on so many things until now. I can only teach them what I know and when the world blew up in the last few weeks, I knew that of a Pre-K student. To be honest, me as a parent was pretty mild on this area before because of my own experiences and my thoughts that hmmm, my life isn’t so bad. Not anymore, now I truly understand the significance of us getting an education so me and my children are equipped whenever we’re asked, we have to make a decision, we think we don’t have to vote, and we think doing nothing is an option. Along with being an example we stressed to our children to use all these resources that are flooding our social media feeds. Heck even Sesame Street joined in with a broadcast on racial equality.

Their Feedback

Now after all of our rambling and examples and quotes and “oh and another things”, we asked for their thoughts. We had the boys both give us a synopsis of what’s going on from what they saw before we even began our family discussion because we wanted to know if they were even familiar with what was happening. They were very familiar. The main feedback that they communicated (which shocked me a little) was that EVERYTHING we say to them as parents, they hear and understand. This is why they give us the “what now ?” looks. This shocked me a little because now we know how to translate the body language they often give off. My reply to this was that we’re parents and we will NEVER stop preaching so you may want to get used to it. The other comment was on something that I completely overlooked. My oldest reminded me that we are preaching from a time that we as parents remember, a time that “wasn’t so bad” then he said, “we were born into this….the school shootings, the senseless killings, the difficulties of being a black kid.” I was sad and comforted at the same time. I was sad because of my fear that they may never know a life that is completely peaceful. I was comforted in the fact that the children of this generation are more resilient and outspoken and built without the soft spot I have for how to humbly be a black person. They will fight for justice. period.

Until next time,

-K