This post is in addition to my previous blog post but is written from my husband’s perspective. If you are looking for my post, please keep scrolling after you enjoy this one. Thank you for reading.

-K

I’m 44 years old, and I can count the times that I have been stopped by the police. Not many, the occasional traffic stop. There is a certain anxiety that occurs when you look in your rear-view and see “The Joes" (slang for cops) tailing you. That anxiety multiplies when those lights start flashing. As you pull over you begin to wonder: Is this a black cop or a white cop? Is he or she having a good day? What’s this cop’s background, how was he/she trained, etc. By background, I mean was he/she taught to be compassionate, is he/she going to be extra aggressive to prove who is in charge? Training, were they trained by a racist cop? Did the cop that trained them show them how to deescalate situations? These are legitimate questions that I personally have as I’m waiting for the officer to approach. I have been fortunate to have positive encounters when pulled over. However, I have heard of some horror stories that I don’t care to elaborate on. So I wanted to let my 17 and 13 year old know that not all cops are bad, but there are some who abuse the power behind the badge.

I also wanted them to know that every white person, and every black person is not bad, but there are many that act and behave in a manner that is unacceptable. Some will view those few bad apples and apply a label to an entire race of people. My oldest son recently got his driver’s license. Like most teenagers, he feels the need to drive everywhere. While I trust him and feel that he drives well, there is a certain etiquette that he still has to master. I proceeded to explain to him to always keep your license, insurance card, and registration in a place that is easily accessible, in a place where you don’t have to do a lot of reaching. I tell him if he is pulled over, to lower his window 1/4 to halfway down, keep your hands at 9 o’clock and 3 o’clock on the steering wheel. If he is asked to present any documents, announce to the officer where the documents are and that you are reaching for that location before actually making any moves.

It may sound like I am going overboard, but there are many elements involved. As a 44 year old, I know how to “play the game.” I know when to act and speak a certain way. I know how to gauge a person’s tone, demeanor, and attitude. As a 17 year old, you are trying to find yourself, you don’t necessarily recognize when to fall back. Also, my sons follow certain trends. The hoodies when its warm and unnecessary. The twisted hair or cornrows. Many people are still judgmental by outward appearances. So these things I make my young Kings aware of. Because as a parent, I never want to be on the receiving end of a call, or a knock at the door to tell me that one of my kids won’t be coming home anymore. I think we do enough talking and questioning in my house to where our kids get it. The most shocking and harsh reality is when my 17 year old revealed that they were born into the school shootings, the police brutality. This is the norm for them, a regular part of life. My generation did not have the technological advances to see these kind of events happening often, so when it happened we were shocked and caught off guard. These kids have phones, social media and every other technology under the sun. My job is to teach them so that they will do the right thing, even when Mom and Dad are not around, or not looking. That’s integrity- doing the right things, being honest, and having strong moral principles. The difference, however, is that integrity today can be recorded.

-George